One of the hardest parts.....

I believe that one of the hardest parts of this whole experience was telling our children! We still didn't know many details and didn't want them to associate my cancer with my dad's. Shaun and I prayed that we would say the right thing and that we would be strong enough to let them know that everything would be o.k. Many tears were shed that night as we sat them down and listened to their concerns and questions. They are amazingly tough kids and we knew that we were going to be blessed and comforted throughout the next several months. My whole life revolves around Shaun and my children and my love and concern for them has never been so strong.

Thursday, January 28th--Meeting with Dr. Porretta (General Surgeon)

Shortly after I heard the news, I called Shaun and told him that he needed to come straight to the hospital. He quickly came over, met Dr. Nichols and found out right away. He was as schocked as I was, but continued to stay calm and positive and started asking many questions. I was comforted to see Liz (the P.A. that I used to see) knock on the door, give me the biggest hug ever and sat and cried with us!! She also suggested that I see Dr. Porretta right away and went straight to work setting up an appt. for the next day!! What a blessing!! She was amazing and so helpful!! I began to feel so much gratitude for knowing such wonderful Dr.'s that were so skilled and cared so much!! After an emotional and shocking day, we packed up and decided not to tell the kids until after we met with Dr. Porretta!! I kept thinking...how could we tell the kids, our family, my mom, Jim and Katie, Kev and Marce., Nat and Matt??? How were we possibly going to "break the news?" The only thing I could do was pray. I have never prayed so hard in my life. My world as I knew it would never be the same and somehow I had to work up the courage to face this trial more so than any other trial I had ever been through. Shaun and I prayed together that night that we would be comforted; that I would be o.k., that my family would be strong. I have never felt such emotions before!! I was nervous and anxious to meet with Dr. Porretta. Luckily she has an office at Jordan Valley where we checked in and only waited for a few minutes before she came in and introduced herself. She was very sweet (just as everybody had described) and had a calmness and peace about her that made me feel very comforted. She examined me, looked at my mammogram, and said that she wanted to take an ultrasound and another biopsy of my lymph nodes. She discovered that 1 - 2 of the lymph nodes were cancerous as well. I immediately paniced and started crying some more. She assured us that this was fairly common and tried to explain what would happen next!! I kept praying!! After spending one and half hours with her, Shaun and I felt so overwhelmed that I don't think we remembered anything she said. She quickly set up a bone scan (to make sure the cancer had not metastasized or spread to other parts of my body), a chest M.R.I. (to check my left breast), several blood tests, an appt. with Dr. Beck (the oncologist/cancer specialist), and a genetic test!! WHAT A WHIRLWIND!! I was grateful that she didn't waste any time and that she wanted to get started right away!! Again, the only thing I could do was pray!!!

Long entries!!

These may probably seem like long, boring entries, but this is my journal and the only way that I will be able to remember all of these crazy details of the past three and half months. Please bear with me, skip parts that are drawn-out and boring, and most importantly, please continue to pray for me and my family!!

January 27, 2010---A Day in my life that will change me forever!!

Wed., Jan. 13th started off as any normal busy day!! Braden and Sydney were off-track and started art lessons. They were excited to go and continue working on their paintings and craft projects and we were also looking forward to meeting Shaun and The Halling's for lunch to visit and let the kids play. While I was on my way to pick them up, I noticed a very strange pain in my right breast. It wasn't terribly painful, but happened to shoot up the side of my chest every time I took a deep breath and just didn't seem right. We got to Carl's Jr. where I told Kerrian about this pain and she urged me to call Dr. Langer just to make sure that everything was o.k. I told her that it would probably go away and that I wasn't going to worry about it. Later that afternoon, we stopped to visit Grandma, and the pain was still persistent and just wasn't going away. I decided to call schedule an appt. Jen (Dr. Langer's nurse) said that the P.A. could see me on Friday, Jan. 15th. I told Shaun that I was a little worried and couldn't imagine what it could be. He assured me that it was probably nothing and that he was glad I was going to the Dr. Two days, later I had a thorough exam, and Bree, the P.A., told me that she could feel a small lump, but assured me that she didn't think it was anything to worry about, and scheduled a mammogram for the following Friday, Jan. 22nd. As crazy as it is, the pain went away and I went on with my week not really thinking about it and went in for my very first mammogram. I only waited for a few minutes before a darling tech. came back to get me. She was funny, pleasant, and made me forget why I was there. She finished the test and said that she would come back to get me if she needed more pictures. Sure enough, they wanted more pictures and said they would like to get an ultrasound. She introduced me to Melanie, the ultrasound technician, and we quickly became friends as we started talking about our parents and the hardships that we have both gone through in the past year. I felt a close connection to her and was grateful for her sweetness. After what seemed like an eternity, she brought another tech. in and then the radiologist!! He explained to me that he saw some suspicious lumps and wanted me to have a biopsy right away. I immediately broke down and felt very nervous and scared at this point and really didn't know what to think. Melanie called Shaun, and he quickly came right over. He has such a way of making everything all better. I love that boy more than he could ever imagine. He was SO incredibly positive and continued to assure me that everything was going to be all right. After a 30 minute procedure, they sent us on our way and told us that the results should be back by Tuesday. The weekend dragged on forever and we tried to stay positive and focused on the fact that they were just being precautious and that everything would come back normal. I called Mon...no results, I called Tuesday and talked to Jen. (Dr. Langer's nurse) and she said still no results. She explained to me that since they were off on Wed. that I should call and Bree's nurse would be able to tell me if they were in yet. I continued to call on Wed., feeling very frustrated that they still had nothing. I went to lunch with my friends and tried to enjoy our time together and not think about it. I called on my way home...still nothing. By 4:00, I just couldn't take it anymore. I called radiology and Melanie told me that the results had been sent up to Bree's office earlier on that afternoon. I tried calling and received their voicemail. I knew that I couldn't wait for one more night and decided to load up the baby and drive over to their office and a find a Dr. to tell me the results. I walked in, told the receptionist my name and she immediately took me right back and introduced to Dr. Nichols. For some reason, I just didn't have a good feeling and just knew that he wasn't there to deliver good news. He asked me to tell him what had been going on the past few days and proceeded to tell me that the biopsy had revealed that I had breast cancer. I couldn't believe it!!! How could this be? We were still mourning the loss of my sweet dad and I just felt like our family couldn't endure any more trials. The only thing I remember is breaking down and feeling completely numb with shock. He didn't have many details and told me that it was the "good" kind (whatever that means!!) to have and suggested that I see a General Surgeon by the name of Jane Porretta as soon as possible. So here's where my "journey" begins........

Isn't it about time for an update? New Year's 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We rang in the New Year with some of our best friends...The Simmon's and The Halling's!! We had a blast playing games, eating lots of yummy food, and just hangin' out!! The kids ended off the evening by running around the circle screaming, yelling, and banging toy instruments together!! Thanks guys for celebrating New Year's Eve with us!! We had a blast!! On New Year's Day, I turned to Shaun and said, "This is going to be a GREAT year.....free of worries, trials, and hardships!!" Oh boy, little did I know what was in store for our family.

My Dear Sweet Pops cont....

It's hard to believe that it's been over a year since I have posted on my blog, and it's even harder to believe that it's been over a year since my dear, sweet dad was diagnosed with pancreas cancer. As many of you know, he lost his courageous battle on April 17th, 2009 and words cannot express how much I miss my dad, and how my heart aches for him to be with our family every day. It has been a year of extremely difficult "firsts" as we have tried to slowly trudge through the holidays, camping trips, family reunions, birthdays, sporting events, tumbling recitals, etc., etc. There are some days that I still don't believe it, and wait for him to walk through the door with one of his sarcastic, funny comments. I am forever grateful for the love, strength and neverending support that my dad gave to me throughout the years!! He is my shining hero and I love him now more than ever!! Thank you Dad for being the very best POPS in this whole world!! We will continue to honor and love you forever and always!!

My Dear Sweet Pops!!

These past two weeks have been the most difficult days of my life, and it's been a while since I have blogged, and have been trying to think of the right words to say for this entry. About six years ago, my dad was diagnosed with diabetes and has always been able to control it with pills, with the exception of the past couple of months. Right after Christmas he got sick a couple of times and we just thought it was the stomach flu, and maybe because his sugar levels kept going up. On Monday, February 9th, he woke up extremely jaundice and yellow, and my mom rushed him to the Dr. Two days later they did a catscan, and discovered that the reason he was so jaundice is because he has a tumor the size of a tennis ball that is blocking his bile ducts and not allowing the bile to drain. The Dr. called my parents and told them that he needed to see them right away. He was diagnosed with pancreas cancer, and said that he wanted my dad to see an oncologist (cancer specialist) immediately. On Friday, the 13th, me, my mom, my dad, and Kevin went to "Utah Cancer Specialists" where we met with the most AMAZING Dr. that I have ever met. He was encouraging, fun, and optimistic that a surgeon might be able to remove the tumor and start Chemotherapy. It's been an extremely exhausting and overwhelming process meeting with G.I. Dr.'s, radiologists, surgeons, and all sorts of other specialists. He was hospitalized over the weekend after a procedure to put an external drain in to start helping with his jaundice. He is home now and feeling pretty good. He has been extremely positive and continues to comfort us with his amazing attitude. We are trying desperately to bring his sugar levels down so that the radiologists can perform a "petscan" test, which will show if there is cancer anywhere else. The catscan shows that the cancer has spread into his large blood vessels near his pancreas. Dr. Frame (oncologist) is going to start the Chemotherapy treatments on Friday in hopes that it will shrink the tumor, and possibly do surgery in three months. As my family continues to be faced with these trials, we continue to feel the love of our Heavenly Father, and now more than ever are relying upon Him for a miracle. We have to have faith that the Lord will bless us and trust that we are strong enough to make it through this. It seems like I am always asking for everybody to pray for us, but am hoping once again that it's o.k. to ask!! We love you all and feel so blessed to be surrounded by such loving, caring, and supportive friends and family. I will continue to keep you posted and have even thought of creating a seperate blog just to show his progress. Thanks again!!