One of the hardest parts.....

I believe that one of the hardest parts of this whole experience was telling our children! We still didn't know many details and didn't want them to associate my cancer with my dad's. Shaun and I prayed that we would say the right thing and that we would be strong enough to let them know that everything would be o.k. Many tears were shed that night as we sat them down and listened to their concerns and questions. They are amazingly tough kids and we knew that we were going to be blessed and comforted throughout the next several months. My whole life revolves around Shaun and my children and my love and concern for them has never been so strong.

Thursday, January 28th--Meeting with Dr. Porretta (General Surgeon)

Shortly after I heard the news, I called Shaun and told him that he needed to come straight to the hospital. He quickly came over, met Dr. Nichols and found out right away. He was as schocked as I was, but continued to stay calm and positive and started asking many questions. I was comforted to see Liz (the P.A. that I used to see) knock on the door, give me the biggest hug ever and sat and cried with us!! She also suggested that I see Dr. Porretta right away and went straight to work setting up an appt. for the next day!! What a blessing!! She was amazing and so helpful!! I began to feel so much gratitude for knowing such wonderful Dr.'s that were so skilled and cared so much!! After an emotional and shocking day, we packed up and decided not to tell the kids until after we met with Dr. Porretta!! I kept thinking...how could we tell the kids, our family, my mom, Jim and Katie, Kev and Marce., Nat and Matt??? How were we possibly going to "break the news?" The only thing I could do was pray. I have never prayed so hard in my life. My world as I knew it would never be the same and somehow I had to work up the courage to face this trial more so than any other trial I had ever been through. Shaun and I prayed together that night that we would be comforted; that I would be o.k., that my family would be strong. I have never felt such emotions before!! I was nervous and anxious to meet with Dr. Porretta. Luckily she has an office at Jordan Valley where we checked in and only waited for a few minutes before she came in and introduced herself. She was very sweet (just as everybody had described) and had a calmness and peace about her that made me feel very comforted. She examined me, looked at my mammogram, and said that she wanted to take an ultrasound and another biopsy of my lymph nodes. She discovered that 1 - 2 of the lymph nodes were cancerous as well. I immediately paniced and started crying some more. She assured us that this was fairly common and tried to explain what would happen next!! I kept praying!! After spending one and half hours with her, Shaun and I felt so overwhelmed that I don't think we remembered anything she said. She quickly set up a bone scan (to make sure the cancer had not metastasized or spread to other parts of my body), a chest M.R.I. (to check my left breast), several blood tests, an appt. with Dr. Beck (the oncologist/cancer specialist), and a genetic test!! WHAT A WHIRLWIND!! I was grateful that she didn't waste any time and that she wanted to get started right away!! Again, the only thing I could do was pray!!!

Long entries!!

These may probably seem like long, boring entries, but this is my journal and the only way that I will be able to remember all of these crazy details of the past three and half months. Please bear with me, skip parts that are drawn-out and boring, and most importantly, please continue to pray for me and my family!!